Internet dating…ahh the digital possibility of finding al amor de tu vida con unos cuantos clicks. Sorry to say it has not worked out for me, yet, even though I hear amazing love stories of destiny fulfilled, lovebirds finding each other on cyberspace and happy couples about to tie the knot. Last year, inspired by one of those cutesy, corny, white background filmed, “this will be” soundtracked TV spots with real couples, I signed up for eHarmony for the modest sum of $59.99 a month. (The Great Recession hadn’t hit me yet.)
I spent about 2 hours answering all the questionnaires con la idea de que realmente me iban a hacer “match” con mi soulmate. ¡Pero no! It didn’t take long to notice that I wasn’t obtaining the desired results, so I quit after 6 months…(you do the math! Ya quisiera esa inversión de petty cash hoy en dia, but that’s another story.) So I proceeded to delete all my photos and my account only to find out my info can’t be erased entirely. Según yo, I had deleted everything I could, but somehow my profile still exists. And after 12 months, I am once again suddenly receiving annoying messages like this: MEET LUPILLO, from Santa Ana.
Needless to say, I’m not signing up for eHarmony again, but this made me laugh. The only Lupillo I know from Santa Ana is a bald, big mustached singer de musica regional mexicana a quien le gusta emborracharse on stage as he sings with mariachi and banda and curses to his hearts’ content. He also has a reputation for a few failed marriages and kids on child support all over the place. Además, if that weren’t enough, he has a very complicated sister named Jenni Rivera, who also sings with mariachi and banda, fights with other singers like Graciela Beltran only for publicity and wears tacky clothing. Finísimas personas, no? Imagine those family get togethers! So I think I’ll pass on this catch of the day… Although, People en Español named him one of the most beautiful people this year… Don’t ask me why…se acuerdan de este post?
Así que yo cuestiono, cuestiono mucho ese “scientific method” based on the “29 dimensions of compatibility” (en serio!!) that they advertise on their site. I think it’s a hoax, especially since all the matches I get are ” Juan” from Pico Rivera, “Jose” from the City of Duarte, “Carlos” from the City of Bell, “Francisco” from Lancaster…do you see a trend here? Of course since my subscription is cancelled, I can’t actually meet any of these people, but I still get all those notes, y ahora hasta se me olvidó el password para entrar y volver a cancelar mi cuenta.